"Feeling" Is The Fluid In Which We Drink In Life.

"I agree, sometimes, numb is the only choice.

However, feeling is the fluid in which we drink in life.

lest we not forget."

 This is a "quote" from a post I shared on  my FaceBook timeline. The post depicts an artist rendition of a person sitting in the corner of two brick walls with his knees up to his chest and his forehead resting solemnly on his knees. The picture also dawns the lyrics "I have become comfortably numb" from the song "Comfortably Numb," On perhaps one of the most Iconic "Pink FLoyd" albums "The Wall." Which was recorded April through November of 1979 before it's release in the early summer of 1980.

One of my oldest friend replied to the post by saying something to the tune of how being numb can't keep 'things' from bothering you. Then, I answered back with the opening quote of this piece, and it lead me into this certain train of thought. So I decided it was worth writing about.

It is my belief that when one experiences traumas, no matter if they're "real" or merely perceived; temporary, self induced numbness may be a necessary way to cope until one is stable enough to confront the problem head on. Yet feeling is perhaps one of our most profound and powerful gifts as human beings.

When you're consumed in happiness and self-fulfillment, things seem to just come to you. I think this is what the 'law of attraction' is attributed to. Anytime something 'good' comes into my earthly story, it seems to compound and grow with accelerating speed. Furthermore, it seems as though I'm just drawing aces at every turn. During these times, existence comes easy, but of course it does. It's like you have a cheat code. Laughter seems to just spill from you and those around you; it really feels like you have leveled up. It's like a surge of experience points, and now you dare to try different things that at one time seemed so far out of reach, and you're not sure why you never tried certain things before this point. Perhaps you needed to 'level up,' physically, mentally, spiritually, or intellectually, or some combination of the four, in order to take on these new challenges.

At any rate, sometimes happiness or fulfillment can feel unobtainable. But once you start the trek, the peak becomes more visible at a faster rate until you hit the summit. However, this summit is not the final destination; it's just a plateau, a "false summit." Life is filled with these plateaus, and they are necessary for the human experience. Similar to geographical plateaus, the analogous plateaus can feel dull, unfulfilling, and bare. Yet, in the distance, the next "false summit" awaits, barely visible.

I should like to dedicate an entire piece to the idea of "false summits" at a later time. For now, I'll leave you with this: we often take pictures at the top, if only to remember how far we've come.

My father once said to me, "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all."

The trajectory of a negative lens is very similar to that of a positive one, but for me, at least, it seems far easier to grasp. Negativity often feels expected to me; I'm not going to lie. I'm more often negative than positive, it's a fact of my life that I'm finally daring to confront. First and foremost because the energy or mana cost of negativity is outrageous and very tiresome. Not only for me but also for the life forces around me.

I don't know about you all, but I tend to live my life in story form. I have a perception of the past and a vision for the future sprinkled with characteristics that I wish to exude, and flaws I wish to hide away beneath the crust.

When something I perceive as bad or negative is written into my story, it comes as no surprise. I've conditioned myself to some advice I once got from my dad: "Expect the worst, hope for the best."

As I prepared the quotation marks for the previous line, I decided that particular advice can be helpful in specific and temporary situations but is fundamentally wrong as a lifestyle. This doesn't change the fact that I've been seeing my story with that setting since I was eighteen (this is the age I was when I first heard my dad say this) (We were driving back to Utah from Colorado through the treacherous Vail Pass, in a heavy snowstorm).

To put it simply, I've been living as if life is negative, with good things that happen. I should like to inverse that conjecture. Plainly, I shall edit my story as if life is overall righteous, with negative influences that need to be challenged but not consumed. I think that positive and negative are two bits of the same piece, both are essential to the human experience.

My father once told me, "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all." Well, that's precisely my point—negativity manifests easily but consumes a lot of energy. Numbness only delays the inevitable, but can be conservative. Happiness is often recognized at the peak but is actually gained across the plateau and up the jagged slopes. Perhaps the goal is simply growth.

Life is fluid and relative, both active and reactive. It holds some semblance of order but also unpredictable chaos. At times, it appears gray and at others, vibrant. "Feeling" is the fluid in which we drink it all in. Lest we not forget.

As alway thanks for reading,

Average Benjamin.