Through the Stones and Wheat.

"Through the stones and wheat, there is a path for you to take. When the gleaning is through, the stones rest as they may, the threshing shall pass with haste. For through the stones and wheat, there is a path for you to take."

-averagebenjamin

There’s something admirable about a person who has walked a dark, stony path. They may have cuts and bruises on their soul, but they never lose their spirit. Such a person knows how to identify the emotion they’re feeling. The tricky part is identifying the reason behind that emotion.

This person has risen above their trials to become capable—capable of harnessing their anger and transforming it into spiritual power, capable of accepting their sorrow and wearing it like a comfortable pair of socks, using it as ambition to transcend rather than wallow. They understand that happiness can be fleeting, making it crucial to be grateful for joy in the moment. This person is now mindful and capable of loving and being loved.

However, it’s essential for such a person to understand that they don’t have to remain indebted to their trials. These trials don’t have to be a life sentence. It’s enough to glean the lessons from them and move forward. Then, it’s time to leave the stones behind and journey on to the next chapter.

For me, I’ve seen rock bottom twice in my life. One thing I’ve realized is that my newest rock bottom is several layers above my previous bedrock. I no longer view these times as bottomless pits; instead, I see them as red lines I will not cross again. I’ve gleaned what I must, so there’s no need to scrape the bottom for crumbs. It feels like I’ve gained something inherently conscious that was previously unknown to me. Now, I know that trials will come and go. When I choose to move forward, I glean what I must much sooner than if I try to evade the storm.

My advice: run headfirst into the storm. It’s the quickest way out. I promise you this: “The storm comes for every man, eventually.”

I believe a person’s character is an amalgamation of the emotions we all experience. Some people latch onto a singular emotion as their baseline, while others operate with complete detachment, especially men. Stoicism is often pressed into us as young men, like a fresh yield of wheat threshed of its unneeded parts. What I’ve come to believe is that those parts need to be yielded so we can see clearly, and then wielded like a scythe to make it through the wheat.

Through my mental health journey over the last four months, I’ve started to think of emotions as little superpowers. They all serve a purpose, but like any superpower, they must be wielded with careful consideration—if at all.

My comfort zone has always been a bit somber. It feels safe to me. When I’m filled with joy, it makes me feel like I might be ignorant of some underlying issue I haven’t noticed, so I scurry back to melancholy. The problem with this is that I end up looking for problems and usually find one. Unfortunately, some of these are imagined self-fulfilling prophecies. The next biggest problem is that sometimes they’re not imagined. Distinguishing between the two is a burden I must bear. Through medication and therapy, I can at least see things more clearly and develop skills I should have gained long ago. However, as the saying goes, “there’s no time like the present.” So, aim up.

I want to re-embrace a level of stoicism as a base—identifying emotions as they arise. What am I actually feeling? Why am I feeling this way? What will I use this emotion for in the moment, or in the future?

This comes from a desire not to hide away from my emotions because, in silence, they fester and lead to a loss of self-control. They will boil over, and boiling emotions burn—they burn you and everyone around you. Instead, I intend to use my emotions as little superpowers, figuring out the best way to wield them so that I may bring beauty to life and thought. I want to get them out of my head and manifest them into positive contributions to the reality we all share.

Out of the abyss.

I got the title for this piece from my mother. She was talking about a book she had read, where the protagonist found himself walking through fields of wheat and flats of stone. She was talking about how boring of a read it was. I thought to myself there must be excitement if one can only make it through the stones and wheat. Thus, the title "Through the Stones and Wheat" came to mind. The first part of this piece depicts the stony cave from where I emerged. I now find myself staring across the proverbial fields of wheat.

Through the wheat, there are no easily followed paths, no significant landmarks—only wheat waving to and fro like the tides of the sea. I liken this part of the metaphor to realizing that I may not know which foot to put forward first, but I know I must move at some pace to some place through the wheat.

The fields of wheat represent the start of a new journey. For now, all I can see are the boring and mundane "stalks of waving wheat," but far out in the distance, I see the promised mountains, valleys, and rivers of a newly discovered part of me. The hard part is time. Mundane as it may be, I must traverse the seemingly endless wheat fields, not knowing what adventures await on the other side. Only when I can lay eyes on what lies ahead will I know what awaits me "through the stones and wheat."

Author's note:

As I near the end of this passage, I feel that my metaphors might be a bit muddy, so let me explain in plain words.

The stony cavern represents the lowest point in one’s life. But like everything else, these caverns can evolve if you choose to evolve yourself. There are likely more caverns ahead on life’s trail, but they don’t have to be as deep as the previous ones. Once you’ve found your footing again and find yourself atop the long and tedious plain of wheat, this represents a time of self-reflection. It can feel mundane at times, but I think it’s during these periods of reflection that we do the most work on our character and, moreover, the very essence that is you. You will evolve through this pathless journey; armed with your new super powers, and meet your new self at the trailhead—through the stones and wheat.

I love you all.

As always, thanks for reading.

Kind regards,

averagebenjamin