We Are The Summation of Our Choices
Bring yourself into this moment... go ahead. I'll wait.
Seriously, take a second to consider where you are this very second. Possibly at home relaxing on a comfy bed or couch. Maybe you're at work killing some time before clocking out for the day. Wherever you may be, take it in. What are the ambient sounds seeping into your subconscious - chirping birds, the distant barking of a dog, perhaps even car horns or sirens? Inhale and notice any aromas lurking about. Hopefully, they're pleasant or at least not repugnant. Tolerable.
Good. Now that you're fully immersed in the moment, I'd like to invite you to wander with me as I sit here clicking away on the keyboard. At this current moment I'm surrounded by my loved ones and all the things that I am so grateful for, I can't help but wonder how I got here. That is to say, how I got to this actual moment, how many ticks of the clock must have passed for this moment to even make its way into existence? Well honestly I just did the math and its approximately 1,046,011,200 ticks, but that's besides the point.
I mean, honestly, stop to consider what that actually means. 13.8 billion years ago,(so roughly 435 trillion ticks) something amazing happened and kicked off this whole perpetual acceleration of time, space, and "being." The vastness of the reality that we exist in seems so unlikely. The universe, after all, is truly a terrifyingly violent and uncertain network of existence. Yet, here we are, in all of our glory, from Quarks to Quasars. We are not separate from it; we are part of it. I believe it was Carl Sagan who said something akin to "we are the universe experiencing itself."
Can I just say? I absolutely love that statement. It rings so true. As far as leading scientists can tell, every element in existence was forged from within a star. This includes all the elements that make up everything you've ever touched, smelled, or tasted, walked on, jumped off, bought, sold, broke, or mended. Everything - even the very elements that make you. Even the Bible says we were made from dust in the image of God. Well, if that is the case, then maybe existence is more likely than my previous conjecture. We are the stuff of stars; it perfectly captures the word "awesome," to be full of awe, but I digress.
You know what? Something funny just struck me. I started this title by inviting you and myself to envelop ourselves in mindfulness of the moment. Just after that, I then journeyed back to the very beginning, the very first "tick," if you will.
Well, since we've covered the beginning and have accepted the present, maybe now is the time to cover the premise of this piece, the "middle ground," the "meat and potatoes" as it were. The summation of our choices equals us. If you think of it as an equation, it seems rather simple: c=u, where "c" is choice and "u" is, well, you/us. However, we all know that it is much more complicated than that. There are so many variables along the way. Sometimes, a choice that feels "right," or at least good in the moment, can often lead to less desired outcomes or, in some cases, catastrophic consequences. Now, examine the other side of the same coin - the most difficult of choices that can seem and feel so counterintuitive can often lead to much more desirable outcomes. And yes, in some cases, they can vault you forward in an unbelievable array of self-growth and external profits and gains - such as esteem, confidence, and value; both spiritually and materialistically.
Let us not forget that our choices directly impact those closest to us. Also, they ripple out further and graze those that are outwardly connected to us and eventually beyond, forever driving the eternal equation further and further along with its infinite variables and possibilities perfectly contrasting our significantly finite lives. The way that everything is so connected absolutely boggles the mind. It's kind of like "universal." Perhaps that's a tangent for another time however. Let's see if we can land this plane, or at least tie it in some pretty bow. I doubt it, but I'm going to give it the old college try.
Think again about the moment in which you currently exist. Try to slow down the ticks and tocks. Think of the choices you have made, from big to small. Every choice you have made has brought you to now. Every job you've either quit or stuck out, which college you picked or didn't, how hard or little you studied in high school, what sports you played, which friends you made, and which people you left behind for the good or the bad. Keep going, which games you played, what hobbies did you choose, what foods did you try, and what, if anything, held you back. Have you ever pushed yourself to the edge? Did you ever put yourself out there? What are the worst lies you told, and what were the hardest truths you took courage against? Did you set boundaries and respect others? Did you respect yourself? Did you make more right choices than bad ones? Did you learn and grow from the bad ones? Finally, are you able to recognize the good? You are the summation of these choices, best to glean what you can from that harvest.
I was going to wrap this up by stating that you can't touch the past, and that may well be true. You can, however, bring forth something from it - a key in the present that can help you unlock a more "sturdy" future. That key is learned experience. Be it of joy, anger, or sadness, there is always a chance for learned experience.
Of course, I feel it is important to state again. I am just a construction worker from a perfectly average upbringing. Zero academic achievement after high school graduation, so this could all be a steaming pile. Somehow, I feel it is at least a little m0re than that, but what do I know? Not a lot.
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This is Average Benjamin
signing off