✨WORD OF WONDER #2 Hyper-Focus✨

"Stimulus overselectivity," or hyper-focus. for some reason when I first process the phrase I instantly think of Sonic the Hedgehog speedily running through a moving half-tunnel collecting as man gold rings as he can trying desperately not to miss a single golden hoop all while avoiding the abyss that awaits just beyond the semi-tunnel's boundaries. Peculiar.

Hyper-Focus is a superpower that we all have, but like any comic book fan knows, super powers all to often come with a downside.

-averagebenjamin

Hyper-Focus is like a super power that most, if not, all of us are capable of and have undoubtedly experienced numerous times. For me, some of my greatest creations have come from a hyper-focused state. However, some of my most self destructive moments have manifested in the exact same state of mind.

Hyper-focus definition -

Hyperfocus is an intense form of mental concentration or visualization that focuses consciousness on a subject, topic, or task. In some individuals, various subjects or topics may also include daydreams, concepts, fiction, the imagination, and other objects of the mind. Hyperfocus on a certain subject can cause side-tracking away from assigned or important tasks.

For me, Hyper Focus ultimately transitions into obsession. However, there are a few stages of this state before inevitably reaching the obsession stage, and eventually the 'ending phase.' Which in and of itself, for me has a couple of possible outcomes.

As I begin to focus on this very publication I can feel the warm, and familiar intrusion of Hyper-Focus entering my psyche like a quiet desperation. I'm having so many ideas flood in at once it feels dizzying just trying to capture and encapsulate a single one. It's akin to being in a forestry field surrounded by migrating monarch butterflies. Each one so unique and beautiful in its own respect that I'm hesitant to pick just one to capture. When I finally spot the one I want, I realize my net is tangled. Then as I get the net operational I catch to many at once, and in the flurry of back speckled orange and yellow I lose the one of my intention. It feels overwhelming, but ultimately leads me to some sort of predeterminate bridge to the next flutter.

This leads me to believe there are different "sizes" of these mental states. Some of which last but moments, some that last days or weeks, and some that become 'lifetime.' Of the ones that become lifetime, perhaps they are the mortar which holds together the building blocks of one's morals and values, or one's personality.

In the following sections I plan to share a couple of stories of times I achieved 'Hyper-Focus.' throughout the stories I will point out the various stages that I have personally noticed in attempts to identify and name them, as well as the duration of said state.

As you're reading; if you have shared experiences or think that I left something out, then I encourage you to share your story, experiences, and inputs. Afterall, gained perspective is gained perception, and gained perception is a gain in one's reality.

let us begin.

The Orca that Swam to the Stars:

Stage 1: Interest

One particularly dull, cold winter afternoon, I found myself mindlessly scrolling through the vast library of Netflix in hopes of at least temporarily curbing the dull existence of the day. That's when I happened across the now-infamous documentary called Blackfish. There is a lot to say about this film, but in the interest of keeping focus, I will just say this: The film will make you fall in love with these magnificent animals and rethink your summer trip to SeaWorld. You will learn that with a larger-than-life memory and emotions center (Hippocampus), these creatures form a strong emotional bond with their family or pod. A female orca never leaves her mother's pod; they are in it for the long haul. They also have their own languages and dialects that differ from sea to sea around the world, just like humans. They even have unique hunting skills and techniques. It is easy to see how I became interested in these 'wolves of the waves.'

Stage 2: Fascination/Obsession

Directly after completing the film, I was taken over by orcas. For several days, I scoured the internet for any videos, films, and literature about them, soaking in any knowledge I could that had anything to do with the apex of the sea. I fell in love. I even found myself scrolling through pages and pages of artwork and photographs depicting orcas. I was fascinated. I was obsessed.

Stage 3: Desperate Need to Express, or 'Frenzied Expression'

I was just stuffing myself plump full of anything orca. This is when the overwhelming period begins. I feel so full of data and can't find a relief valve, kind of like when you toss a Mentos into a bottle of cola—it soon comes pouring out in a foaming fury. I simply couldn't contain all the information within myself anymore. I had to let it out. So I thought to myself, "Self, let's draw an orca." I have zero talent when it comes to drawing whatsoever. It didn't stop me; I was riding the wave. The manic wave of self-expression. This is such a desperate feeling. It feels like everything is riding on the next move, and even the slightest error will lead to catastrophic failure. I cut out every distraction and completely tune out of everything and anything around me. It's like my body has become little more than a conduit for the goal, whatever the goal may be. Some people might refer to this as mania or manic behavior. I would not. I would say this is Frenzied Expression. I think for a lot of people, this is where a state of hyper-focus reaches its end, and they are again able to ground themselves to the reality that surrounds them. Not me, though, no, no, no. I have been diagnosed as Manic-Depressive, so for people like me, there's another stage, or a recycling of stages 1 through 3. This, my friends, is where the triumphs and pitfalls of manic hyper-focus appear so clearly to everyone around you, except for you. This is true Mania.

Stage 4: Recycling and True Mania

Well, after about two days of drawing, I completed a very nice drawing of an orca. She really did turn out good. I named her Arya. Well, 'the wave' was still reaching its crest; I wasn't finished. My next thought was how it would look so cool if I could paint an orca that had breached the surface of the water with a stunning display of stars in the background. I had "recycled," as I started down the road of technique in painting a night sky, I found myself right back, smack in the middle of stage two. I was completely fascinated by the different brush strokes and color combinations you could use to achieve the depth of a breathtaking sky.

Much to my surprise, I completed several paintings that I was very proud of, even as rudimentary as they were. None of which depicted an orca, nor anything closely related to the sea. This true mania, when you find yourself cycling again through the initial three stages.

Now you might think at this point, this hyper-focused state must assuredly be slowing down. Well, you'd be wrong if that was your assumption. I was definitely riding the final wakes of this emotional super state, but I wasn't finished yet.

While searching through endless pages of painted night skies, I happened across some NASA images from the Hubble telescope that reignited my love for astronomy. I then spent hundreds of dollars on a telescope, camera, and processing software. Once again, I cycled through the initial three stages, and now I had finally found myself upon the shores of reality. I was exhausted. This manic episode had lasted the entire winter.

Manic episodes are the fun part of my diagnosis; it's like a natural high. Once you reach the shore, however, the comedown begins, and the beast of depression rears its ugly head.

Before we go down that road, and we will, I want to admit that I am just barely on the topside of a recent depressive state that took up the entirety of this past winter and spring. So I'm not ready to re-pressurize that particular hatch.

So instead I wanted to restate my original thesis:

This manic cycle contained three cycles of hyper-focus. The initial cycle was little more than that of a person trying to reach a deadline at work or complete a school assignment whose due date was rapidly approaching. In the end of this cycle, I had gained an everlasting love and interest in Orcas but nothing more.

The second cycle was a bit more relaxing but felt more personal. I enjoyed staying up all night sipping red wine, listening to my favorite podcast or audiobook while creating my very own skies one after another. Through this cycle, I gained the utility of color scheming and brush strokes that I didn't know I would need later in life in relation to wood crafting (yes, woodcraft too was a manic hyper-focus).

The third and final cycle was stargazing. This cycle was the most intense. I couldn't think about anything else; even doing the dishes or picking up after my child felt like I was wasting time. This is one of the downsides of my superpower; those around me are the victims of my neglect. It's not purposeful, but there is no excuse for it, and as I get older and more aware of my condition, I do my best in trying to avoid it happening. I wouldn't be telling the truth if I didn't say that it still happens. Anyway, this third and final cycle 'stuck.' It is one that I will enjoy for my entire life. To me, it's like unveiling the magic that made the world.

I chose this particular story because it perfectly displays the different types of hyper-focus:

Type 1: Dead end

Type 2: Utility

Type 3: Lifetime

Although I have a love for Orcas; that is as far as it went, it was a dead end. I found such relaxation and pride in creation while painting, but most of all, I learned practical techniques that helped with deductive reasoning as well as particular skill while working in small detail. Utility. Looking through my telescope was like peering into a window of the solar system, to things I'd heard about but had not seen until that point. The entire time I've been writing this, that very telescope is less than ten feet away from me. It has become, lifetime.

I thoroughly enjoyed writing this publication. It allowed me a reason to think about a condition that I've only started to truly confront. The challenge of trying to quantify the various stages, shapes, and sizes of hyper-focus and the implications thereafter helped me learn so much that I can embrace, and some things I must avoid. I really enjoy the manic times of my life, but I realize that in those times, I can be incredibly selfish.

Also, I didn't share a story of the times when I have focused on negative ideas or aspirations that brought me to ultimate despair. It's particularly 'shitty' when that happens because, for me, mania is always followed by an equal force of depression. When the two are compounded, I fall very deeply into a dark and damp hole. It's a real 'scratch and claw' situation.

So, writing this publication, I feel as though I have gained some real introspection that has given me tools to excel above depression while embracing the mortar of mania that holds together the blocks of Benjamin. It gives me faith in hope.

So I would like to thank averagebenjamin fan, Sue D for submitting this word it has been such a fun journey and I hope you will all continue submitting your words. I love this segment.

As always, thanks for reading, and remember that together we are all perfectly average.

AverageBenjamin,

signing off.

I hope to continue this segment so please submit your words via the facebook page, email, or at the comments at the bottom of this page.

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Perfectly Average ❤️